Resources
In this section you will find a range of interesting articles we have written
. We've also Recommended some reading materials whichh Is a good place to start
when finding out about NLP. Also below are connections to quality providers of
complementary products and services.
Articles
Adding £ to your bottomline : The top 10 skills service industries most needs
to develop
Pick up any recently written management book and you’ll quickly read
about the difference between management and leadership. You’ll find lots of
talk about management becoming softer, less hard-edged and more people centred.
In this article trainer, facilitator and executive coach Helen Drake explains
what is meant by soft skills, and gives a broad overview as to why they are
important. In subsequent articles Helen will talk in more detail about each particular
element, giving practical examples of what difference it makes when people have
these skills.
To begin with, service industries provide
their clients with a service. So we are talking about people as opposed to
mass-produced widgets. Typically service industries use their resources to
create ‘products’ to meet the needs of particular clients. So, given that the
people costs are amongst the highest element in the management budget, surely
that gives us a clue. Yes, people really are a company’s most important asset.
Try implementing any strategy without people and you’ll soon find out just how
important people are. The search for corporate excellence leads inevitably to
excellent people – all of whom are individuals.
Broadly soft skills divide neatly into two
categories. Firstly how you communicate with yourself and others. We all know
that as much as 70% of communication is non-verbal so this category includes
both verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Other communication skills
include listening, giving and receiving feedback, motivating yourself and
others and delegation. Secondly, how you behave towards yourself and with
others. This might include how to get a well formed outcome, behavioural
flexibility, leading and influencing others and taking responsibility.
Soft
skills defined - Understanding communication
At the heart of effective communication is rapport. That means meeting
other people in their model of the world so that they feel acknowledged and
valued. At your next team meeting begin to look for examples of strong rapport
and good pacing and leading skills. That means beginning to notice how people
in rapport tend to adopt the same physical posture. In effect, they are
mirroring one another. Watch how the matching extends to facial expression,
speed, volume and tone of voice. Sound weird? Try it out. You’ll certainly
notice how difficult communication can be when communicating with someone whose
body posture is very different from your own or whose pace and tone is
different. The ability to build and maintain rapport with people and pace and
lead is a skill that is easily learned. The payoffs are significant. They range
from helping to put a nervous interview candidate at ease to pacifying an angry
customer, boss or colleague, persuading a colleague who is sceptical,
energising someone who is lethargic or getting a person who is taking an issue
light-heartedly to treat it more seriously.
Delegation
The whole concept of chunking is useful in delegating. Exactly what
chunk size bits of information do your people need. Yes, we are all different.
Some of us see the big picture, others of us see the details. Knowing how to
‘chunk up’ so that those who need large chunks get what they need and those who
need small chunks also get what they need is a very powerful skill indeed.
Again, language and how we use language is crucial and an indicator of how to
match the needs of those for whom you want to delegate to.
Listening
Listening is one of the skills we are very seldom taught. Listening in
a way in which we are engaging with the sensory specific information being
communicated leads to being us being heard, which leaves us feeling
acknowledged, valued and respected. Strong rapport, good pacing and leading and
highly developed listening skills are at the heart of effective coaching and
people development – all skills with very powerful consequences which are
easily learned.
Giving
and receiving feedback
Giving and receiving regular feedback is the stuff that high performance
teams are made of. It’s the glue that binds good teams together. Giving
effective feedback is a highly developed skill, it requires the person giving
the feedback to be able to separate out what you do, and therefore what you
need to do differently from who you are. In other words having the ability to
separate the person’s behaviour from their identity. In that way the
recipient’s identity, values and self-esteem are preserved. This means that the
person giving feedback needs to avoid using generalisations. It also means the
person receiving feedback needs to be skilled at asking for specific feedback
about a particular behaviour.
Motivating
yourself and others
Motivating yourself and others is a result of understanding your own
thinking strategies and those of others. One person describes what they want,
another describes what they don’t want. Some people talk about moving towards
something, for example achieving a goal, while others talk about moving away
from things, for example avoiding a disaster. When it comes to recognition some
are motivated by inner standards of success, others by the need for external
recognition. Some people are great and enjoy generating lots of options, others
tend to like the process, for example the procedure. Once you know how to
identify your own and others triggers or language patterns, you can then
identify the language to use to capture your own and their interest.
Achieving
what we set out to
Human behaviour is purposeful. Think about why you are reading this
article? What is your outcome, what is it specifically that you want to
achieve? And how will you know when you have achieved it? What will be your
evidence? Without knowing what you want, it’s difficult to begin to define what
success is. Indeed without clear outcomes, you are much more likely to be blown
off course by external factors. So, here’s a few tips on setting effective
outcomes: make sure they are expressed in the positive, stating what you want,
not what you don’t want, determine what you and others have to do, make the
outcome specific and within deadlines and be clear about your evidence for
achievement.
Behavioural
flexibility
Behavioural flexibility is all about being able to adapt our behaviour
in order to achieve our desired outcomes. Yet how many times do we repeatedly
do what we’ve always done and as a consequence got the same result. Hence, the
person who is most able to flex their behaviour is frequently the most able to
achieve their particular outcome.
Creative
problem-solving
Adapting behaviour to achieve specific outcomes was the hallmark of
Walt Disney. His whole creative strategy and indeed his success depended upon
his ability to cycle between states of enthusiasm and focus while interacting
with different animators – again skills that are very powerful and easily
learned.
Leading
and influencing others
Leadership is about getting things done through people. It’s about a
leader leading others towards a goal within a system. Another way to think
about leadership is to think about our own individual state and how we are in
ourselves and our own capabilities with respect to the perceptual filters and
motivations of others in order to define and achieve a particular set of
objectives in a given environmental context. So, leadership is really about
influencing with integrity. That means acting with personal purpose stemming
from a centred sense of self, resulting in behaviour that is naturally aligned
with who you are and what matters to you.
Taking
responsibility
Taking responsibility is an area that comes up time and again. The
language you hear in the corridors gives us a clue. Ever heard stuff like “they
won’t give me the budgets”, “they won’t ……”. But what about “I ……… Begin by
asking yourself, “are you on the cause or effect side”. Your language will give
you a clue.
Conclusion
So, it isn’t about suddenly acquiring a whole raft of brand new skills.
It’s about learning and constantly refining skills that can be applied in
different ways. Indeed the links between all 10 are very strong. Developing
excellence in soft skills pay handsome dividends, both for individuals and for
corporations. Happy customers and happy staff is the result of attitudes, which
reflect what’s important and possible – about the company and the service it
provides. Creating and living these as an organisation is what differentiates
the excellent from the good.
Helen Drake
For further information, contact Helen Drake at Point Taken on
020 8995 2864 or by email at helen@pointtaken.com
How to give constructive feedback and take criticism
Background
One of the regular
complaints I hear from people at all levels in different organisations is that
they lack feedback. And the feedback that they do get is often only at appraisal
time or when a customer complains. Worse, when it comes it is often delivered
with good intention but comes to the receiver as an assault on their very
being. Often, the result is that feedback fails to produce any kind of
purposeful result. Yet, effective
feedback is at the heart of learning and development and forms part of the glue
that binds together successful organisations and teams.
The
Purpose
The purpose of
feedback is two fold. Firstly motivational feedback tells a person that good
performance has been noticed and gives recognition for it, so helping their
confidence and motivating them to repeat the good performance in the future.
Developmental feedback is to help a person modify and improve their performance
by telling a person what needs to be done better next time. Both types are
important and so to is the timing. Regular feedback reassures people that they
are on track, it helps affect immediate change and often removes the ‘charge’
and anxiety associated with the appraisal process.
Difference
between feedback and criticism
The differences
between feedback and criticism can be subtle but broadly speaking a useful
definition is: “if it helps it’s feedback and if it hurts, however well
intentioned it was, it’s criticism.” It seems that many managers, however
senior in the corporate pyramid, often have very few skills in some of the “how
to’s in giving and receiving effective feedback. Here’s a few to consider.
Points
for Giving Feedback
Ensure you have
good rapport – be mindful of your body language - remember that your words only
convey as little as 10% of the meaning of the communication
·
Make it
regular – feedback isn’t just about appraisals and customer complaints, use it
as a tool for on-going natural development
·
Be specific,
emphasise outcomes and watch your language, get clear about what you say so
that the receiver understands precisely what you are saying and invite their
comment. Avoid qualifying words such as quite, almost
·
Be
constructive and remember the function of feedback – to acknowledge, support
and develop, not to criticise
·
Pay attention
to the results of feedback by seeing, hearing and feeling the result of
feedback given
·
Separate out
a person’s identity from their behaviour Feedback should be about actions,
about what you do or need to do differently not about who you are.
·
Tailor
feedback to the needs of the recipient recognising that some people need lots
of feedback, others little, some need public acknowledgement, others more
private
·
Speak to the
person directly, not about them
·
Find your own
role models - hang around with people who are good at giving feedback and learn
from them
Points
for receiving feedback
·
Genuinely
accept all feedback as useful, even if it is malevolently intended. Listen for
the detail so that you really do know what the other person is talking about.
·
Don’t take it
personally – you will encounter incompetently delivered feedback at some stage
·
If you find
yourself under attack focus on getting the most from the situation and ask
yourself ‘how can I make this work for me so that I never have to hear this
sort of attack from anyone ever again
·
Learn from
your experience and ask yourself ‘what can I learn about the way this feedback
was delivered to me to make sure I never do this to anyone else?’
·
If you are
unclear about specifics, ask questions of clarification, particularly those
beginning with “what”
Proper well-intentioned feedback with a two
way exchange of information is one of the vehicles for supporting and helping colleagues
to prosper. Handled well, it can boost performance, forestall future problems
and inspire greater effort. It is a critical tool for all managers,
particularly those responsible for developing their most important asset –
their people.
Helen Drake
For further information, contact Helen Drake at Point Taken on
020 8995 2864 or by email at helen@pointtaken.com
Developing leaders for today’s complex and changing environment : Seeing the
ship from the eyes of the crew
Ever heard the expression “inventories can be managed, but people need
to be lead”? But exactly what is it to lead and be lead; why are leadership
skills so important and why are companies putting so much emphasis on
leadership skills in developing their people? Helen Drake of Point Taken takes
up the challenge to respond to some of these questions.
Leadership
: we all have our own interpretations
Ask anyone about leadership and a plethora of different interpretations
soon emerge. Some talk about inspirational business leaders, citing those such
as America’s Bill Gates or Sir John Harvey Jones. Others cite people such as
Nelson Mandela, Ghandi and the like. Yet others look to themselves and specific
situations in which they are effective leaders. In truth any involvement with
others provides an opportunity for leadership. We all have times when others
look to us for direction, guidance and support. Whether we are managers,
partners in a relationship or as parents, we are all leaders at certain times.
And, we all have very different styles and strategies of leading.
What is
leadership?
Leadership means different things to us all. At the core of leadership
is the ability to influence with integrity – the ability to influence firstly
ourselves and then others. Not surprisingly, being able to influence means
having an ability to build and maintain rapport firstly with ourselves and then
with those around us. Just think for a moment – effective leadership requires
the co-operation of those who choose to be lead. Surprising though it may seem,
leadership is not about strength, force, determination and courage. Just take a
look at some of the role models available. What is it that is common to all
leaders? Look first to their values and beliefs followed closely by a careful
examination of their behaviour. Talk to anyone with great influencing skills
and they may not be able to tell you exactly what they do; but they’ll give you
a behavioural demonstration by showing you. Watch what they do and notice their
traits. Boil them down and ask yourself “what is it effective leadership really
all about? Johnson argues strongly that it’s about acting with personal purpose
stemming from a centred sense of self resulting in behaviour that is naturally
aligned with who you are and what matters to you. In short, having rapport with
oneself and therefore others. But why is leadership so important? particularly
today when business operates in such a complex and constantly changing
environment?
Why is
leadership so important?
Irrespective of our titles, business is about getting things done. Most
businesses today operate in a complex and constantly changing environment.
Leaner organisational structures and global competition requires radically
different skills and attitudes from all individuals in the workplace. In plain
language, that means more than ever before the need to develop effective
leadership and communication skills. Broadly speaking this typically includes
skills such as behavioural flexibility, an ability to be clear about outcomes,
sensitivity to others and rapport. These are the areas that many now consider
absolutely critical to effective management development.
What
does today’s workplace need from its leaders?
Organisational flexibility and responsiveness are critical says Helen.
Again, look to those models of excellence and what do we notice? Effective
leaders are constantly evolving, developing, learning and pushing the
boundaries even wider. Typically they lead by example through operating out of
a clear sense of purpose for themselves and the organisation. Viewing every
member of staff as a source of valuable ideas, they often demonstrate high
levels of tolerance with ambiguity and uncertainty. Often driven by a sense of
passion, their commitment to their own learning and that of others is paramount.
So too is their ability to build relationships and encourage the building of
networks.
Lots of skills and attributes - the most effective leaders are those
who are themselves. Leadership comes from within.
Helen Drake
For further
information, contact Helen Drake at Point Taken on 020 8995 2864 or by email at
helen@pointtaken.com
Recommended
Reading
General Reading

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NLP : The New Technology of Achievement
Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner
ISBN: 1-85788-122-2
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Frogs into Princes : The Introduction to Neuro
Linguistic Programming
Richard Bandler & John Grinder
ISBN: 1-870845-03-X
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Turtles all the way down: Prerequisites to Personal
Genius
Judith De Lozier and John Grinder
ISBN: 1555520227
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The Art of the Possible
Dawna Markova
ISBN: 0-943233-12-7
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Change your Mind and Keep the Change
Steve Andreas and Connirae Andreas
ISBN: 0-911226-29-X
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Heart of the Mind : Engaging your Inner Power to
Change
Connirae Andreas and Steve Andreas
ISBN: 0-911226-31-1
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Reframing : Neuro Linguistic Programming and the
Transformation of Meaning
Richard Bandler and John Grinder
ISBN: 0-911226-25-7
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Making Contact
Virginia Satir
ISBN: 0-89087-119-1
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Applications of
NLP to Business
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NLP at Work : Neuro Linguistic Programming : The
Difference that Makes a Difference in Business
Sue Knight
Second Edition
ISBN: 13: 978-1-85788-302-2 & ISBN: 10: 1-85788-302-0
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Influencing with Integrity : Management Skills for
Communication and Negotiation
Genie Z Laborde
ISBN:189983601-2
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Precision : A New Approach to Communication
Michael McMaster and John Grinder
ISBN 1555520499
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Applications of
NLP to Psychotherapy. Counselling & Health
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Handbook of Ericksonian Psychotherapy
Edited by Brent Geary and Jeffrey Zeig
ISBN: 0-9716190-1-8
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Taproots : Underlying Principles of Milton
Erickson’s Therapy and Hypnosis
William Hudson O’Hanlon
ISBN: 0-393-70031-3
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The Courage to Love
Stephen Gilligan
ISBN: 0-393-70247-2
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Core Transformation : Reaching the Wellspring Within
Connirae Andreas and Tamara Andreas
ISBN: 0-911226-33-8
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Beliefs : Pathways to Health and Well Being
Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom & Suzi Smith
ISBN: 1-55552-029-4
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Web Links
·
www.amazon.co.uk
·
www.anglo-american.co.uk
·
www.nlpu.com
·
www.debbiecotton.com
·
www.insightfulme.co.uk
·
www.imt.co.il
·
www.integrativemindbodytherapy.org